grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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