No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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