I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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