oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
