I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
