I want to walk on stilts...naked
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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