plz talk dirty to me
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
