Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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