He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
