he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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