Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize