cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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