conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
