Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
