My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
