think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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