Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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