You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Pants are for mortals
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
