FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
