We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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