Don't make out with my wife yet
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
