The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
