i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I deserve this hangover.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
