yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
