in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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