listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
