I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
