Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Randomize
