Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
