I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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