I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
