oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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