Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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