1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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