I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
