What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
