I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
