I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
