i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
