We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
