the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
