You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
