I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I understand Curling. That high.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
