He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
