I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
