your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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