U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
