so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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