eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
