I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
my sisters under your porch take her home
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
