I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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