In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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