When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
