fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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