Cold hands, warm shart.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
