considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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