she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
