To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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