Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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