I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
