meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
