He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
