I want to stick my p in your. b.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
