I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
